We come from the stars and shall be stars
Emblazoned across every screen on Earth
Your best saviors ever
Our plan pervade before invade
So we made the film “The Last Alien”:
Refugee ETs enlisted by teens and cute dogs
(We add cats) bravely defeat insectoids
Mosquito ETs who loudly chitter
Before they ingest any cheerleader
We save Earth, we save humanity and
Ourselves a world of trouble
Once friendly AIs assure the film’s success
Our ships will hover over Rome, Mecca, Huangshan
(New gods should show they’re friends to the old)
In linked global vids we’ll proclaim our goodwill
Helped by handsome actors and talking dogs
Morph in one night from a movie to
The greatest show on Earth
Next we’ll make humans ridiculously rich
Turn everyone sexy and young
Last, promise immortality
We know what you want but
Can you take it?
Why do we bother? The ever annoying Galactic Federation
Claims we must uplift a species every eon
And you folks really need help
So cue the cameras and greet your future
Limitless, unbeatable, incredible!
Remember: what you don’t know can’t hurt you and
You’ll never get a chance like this again